Americans Know How to Cook
by InvaderLuver
Summary: Tezz is in the kitchen making a traditional Russian soup, which doesn't appeal to Vert. Instead, Vert shows him how to make pizza! But how far will Vert go to, 'TEACH' Tezz...? R&R PLZZZ!  TEZZxVERT!


**HOAKAY! So VertxTezz fluff/lime!**

**X3**

**WARNING:**

**This fic contains cursing, fluffehness, and some minorly graphic smex.**

**Tezz is a little OOC in some points.**

**I don't own BF5**

**ENJOY! 8D**

* * *

"Hey Tezz, what're you making?" Vert asked as he walked into the kitchen. The Russian turned for a moment and took a different spoon out of the drawer before he went back to stirring. "_Okroshka._" He pronounced perfectly and moved over some for Vert to see.

He cringed and gagged when he witnessed what looked like a six-year-olds' experience trying to cook guacamole. "Tezz, don't you like _American_ food?"

He shook his head some, not wanting to insult the American leader next to him. "It's… I dunno. I guess I feel a little homesick and want something to take me back to the days in my mama's kitchen where she would make meals and spoon-feed me until I was capable of eating elsewhere, but I never did. I loved my old home… now that I'm in America, I can no longer taste and smell the sweet aromas like I was used to. Besides, I find this healthier for me."

The blond shivered again and took Tezz's tasting spoon. He fished some out of the pot and sipped it, immediately spitting it out in the sink. "Not to be rude Tezz, BUT THAT STUFF IS NASTY! Uagh!" He gagged. Tezz shrugged off the insult and let out a low growl. "Exactly how I feel about American foods."

Vert sighed and turned the burner off, putting the soup away for a while. He got out the cookbook and a large pan. "We're gunna MAKE pizza. You've only tasted Za, so I guess now's the time for you to try the other wonders of food!"

Tezz was reluctant about the idea, but was dragged over without hesitation. "Now, all we need is some water and flour and maybe a little yeast." As they got the ingredients, Tezz's stomach clenched up. This wasn't like his family ate! THIS SEEMED BARELY HUMAN! But he shook his head and continued on. Vert showed him how to create a soft dough.

"Now just mix this… with this… and put it down here…" He continued. Vert separated the balls so they were two and handed Tezz one.

The Russian started to slowly follow in what his leader was instructing. He noticed that Tezz's hands were starting to stick with the dough.

"Here…" He gently came behind the Russian and took his hands, his chin resting on his teammate's shoulder. "Now, occasionally, you have to take flour…" He used Tezz's hands to gather the powder. "and you have to use it to make your hands dry again so the dough won't be sticky."

He noticed Tezz whimper as his palms were smothered in it, and decided to soothe him. "It's okay, we can wash it off later, I know it feels weird."

Tezz's controlled arms took the ball of dough and started to roll it. He blushed as the motions of Vert's movements made his abdomen flare up. He gulped as Vert gently slowed the motions and noticed Tezz's fatigue. "You okay man?"

He nodded steadily and moved away from the turn-on. "Uhh… what next?"

Vert smiled at the Russian's sudden participation and took the pizza sauce out from the fridge. "We can't make sauce, so this is the next best thing." He took Tezz's wrist and showed him how to pour a generous amount and spread it along the soon to be crust.

Tezz smiled some as Vert snickered. "You're doing great Tezz, keep this up, and you can cook us lunch anytime! But none of that Russian food unless it's for dessert, m'kay?"

The blond took some shredded cheese from the fridge again and took the previous position, making Tezz steamy again. The Russian let a small breath escape before he leaned back on the blond. Vert smirked and continued the dough kneading motion, getting a whine in return. "Vert… stop…" He pleaded, staggering back a little. Vert continued with more force, making Tezz grip the counter edge and moan at the feeling of his leader rubbing himself over his backside. He wrapped a hand around the back of Vert's neck. "Please... Captain..." Vert grinned and spread around the cheese before he could have Tezz straight orgasm while making food. He pulled away and placed the pan in the oven.

Tezz sighed dreamily and noticed Vert finish putting in the cook time. "Captain… what was that?"

The leader across from him purred, tracing a hand on Tezz's leg, making the other bite his lip in lust. "_Ostanovite menya draznitʹ, tovarishch! _(Stop teasing me, comrade!)" He moaned.

Vert couldn't understand Tezz's native language, but he was tempted to do even more.

The rest were all outside or on the other side of the Hub, so why not? He took Tezz's toned calves and ran his hands up them, smirking and backing Tezz onto the countertop. Tezz groaned as his leader burrowed himself into his navel area. "Vert, if one of our teammates catches us, we'll be relieved of our duties out in Ba-…" He paused and clamped his eyes shut. "Veeeert…" He panted. "Ahh!" His cheeks started to flush a deep red.

Vert growled in approval as his teammate's nails scrapped against the wooden counter, colliding with his heated moans. Vert shifted his legs to hide his throbbing 'issue' down below at hearing Tezz freak out over this.

* * *

About thirty minutes later, Vert's back was sweeping the floor and creating one spot certainly clean as Tezz was on top, enjoying all the groans he was hearing. The bodily functions that made them both let off groans was also joined by the squeaking and scratching of the floor.

"Ohhh… Tezz… harder." He ordered, shifting his legs that were propped up on Tezz's waist. The Russian smirked and thrust harder into his leader. Vert clenched his teeth together and let out a long scream.

Tezz groaned loudly as well and felt the hot moistness between them. He pulled away and nibbled on Vert's neck. "You Americans sure do know how to cook in the kitchen…" He purred.

The blond grinned evilly and sat up as the oven beeped. "Yeah, and you Russians know how to gather all those ingredients and pound them together to make something amazingly delicious."

Tezz got up as well and put on Vert's red boxers on purpose. Vert chuckled and put on Tezz's white pair. They both helped take the pizza out and cut it, taking two slices over to the island.

The blond smoothly dangled the piece over the Russian's mouth, watching the other teasingly wrap his tongue around it. He dragged the tip into his mouth and slowly dragged as much as he could without choking, making Vert want him to take something else in his mouth.

He purred at the sight and allowed Tezz to feed him, nearly shoving it all down his throat. Vert gagged and spit some out before gazing into the deep brown eyes across from him. He leaned over and gently kissed Tezz's neck, making his lover wrap his arms around the other.

They wrapped their tongues around each other's, then slowly started stroking up and down each other's chest. Vert slowly walked over to his partner's side and pressed him up to the fridge. Tezz placed his arms up in surrender. He slowly trailed his hands up Tezz's thighs and felt him, making the Russian squeal and squirm giddily. Vert purred into his neck, tauntingly licking up to his lips and slowl-

"Uhhh… Vert?"

"Tezz?"

They both separated and starred at the whole team, half looking at them, and the others inspecting the tattered clothing on the floor, and the mysterious liquids.

Sherman arched an eyebrow. "Guys, can you please do this in your rooms so we don't slip on your mystery juices?"

The two blushed and gathered their clothing before heading out and going up to Vert's room.

Agura sighed, shaking her head at the sight and the image of Vert using something of Tezz's for a lollipop. Right now, she hated her hunting skills. A.J. looked at the pizza on the stovetop and hesitantly took a piece. "You might not wanna eat that, since we know what those two have been up to." Spinner reminded.

The Canadian slowly grabbed the whole thing and went out to the deck, the team following. He dumped it over the edge-pan included, and went to the sink to get out the dish washing soap. He poured a rather large quantity in his palms and ran it up to his elbows without washing it off. He then emotionlessly grabbed the Lysol can in the bottom of the sink's cabinet and sprayed his face with it, turning to greet everyone with the messy, yet clean outcome. "No one touch me, I'm sterile."

Agura twitched as A.J. went out to take a very hot shower.

"Well THAT was overreacting!" Stanford chuckled some. They all turned to see what he was going to get in depth about. There was no way Stanford would be on Tezz's side. Now for Vert….

"If the two blokes are in love, then they can do as they please! It's not like they mixed in their own semen in the dough." He rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, but imagine if your best friend, someone dear to you, was GAY with a person who hates your guts!" Sherman said. "Not to mention the fact that A.J. may LIKE like Vert." He added in before getting a few pickles and olives out from the fridge.

"A.J. likes Vert?" Zoom asked, gazing up to the older member. Sherman shrugged, opening the two jars as he spoke. "No one knows. But if he did, and Tezz took Vert away from him… he's crushed."

The Brit pondered for a moment and sunk down in shame. The Cortez was right. Stanford would most likely never talk to his friend again. "Poor A.J.."

* * *

Tezz had his face burrowed into his palms as Vert sat at his side, a hand on his back comfortingly. "Oh good Lord, they know!" His thinner accent getting muffled by the cover, the Russian flopped over onto his back. Tezz's accent got thinner and thinner whenever he was flipping out. It even sounded a bit French.

The blond blinked and gently rubbed his stomach, noticing him jolt at the touch.

"There there… Tezzy… uhh… it's okay! They didn't see what exactly we were doing before! They only saw us kiss! And me… grope you like a madman…"

His teammate sighed deeply and uncovered his eyes. "Yeah, but… I just don't know! I couldn't get in that much trouble because I just wooed the leader over, but A.J. looked quite terrified at what he saw."

Vert's heart stopped for a moment. A.J.. He forgot about how his best friend would react to him liking another guy. "Ohhhh no…" He started and took Tezz's position with his hands over his face.

* * *

The next morning, Vert awoke in his own bed, the Russian still sleeping peacefully on the right side. Vert warmly kissed his lover's cheek to help him up. Tezz groaned and turned over, his back to the leader. Vert smirked and placed a hand to his waist, pulling him in and planting a kiss on his neck. Tezz stirred and slowly wakened to his lover.

"I love you Tezzy…" Vert cooed and slowly embraced his friend. Tezz sleepily hugged him back and shut his eyes again.

Vert smiled and crawled over him to get out of bed. His stomach was still queasy from being discovered, but he had to be a leader. He had to stay strong, no matter how much they hated him. He could cry later.

The blond took a towel from Tezz's bathroom before walking out and into the gym, cutting across a large foamy block-pit to reach the showers.

Everyone's showers were turned off for a week because… well, just because. No one knew why Sage cut them off. He heard a few laughs as he walked in and rounded a slippery corner, forcing a smile on his face. They all stopped and stared. Sherman whispered something to Zoom, Spinner was washing out his hair, Stanford turned away as much as he could, and A.J. just gave him a slightly death implying glare.

Vert wordlessly started his shower's water and got his hair wet some. He heard Zoom snicker in the distance and let out a long, frustrated sigh. "Guys, are you laughing about me?" He asked with his tone expressed in an agitated matter. They all got quiet before Zoom turned some. "No, it was about Tezz."

"What about him?" The leader asked, still mad. Zoom had no fear as he spoke the truth. "How he used you to get more authority."

He stood in awe at the comment. It was rude and cruel, and just… untrue! They didn't know what really went down, so why the hell were they acting like they did? "You don't know what really happened!" Vert shot back. Zoom chuckled. "Face it vert. If I shagged you, I would have more respect and power in the team too."

"Just because you have sex with someone higher than you doesn't mean you suddenly have some kind of right. And by the way, _I_ started it."

They all 'oohhh'ed in surprise and laughed, giving off hurtful comments.

"I bet he really did it because he wanted to, 'know how to be more American!'" Stanford teased.

"Were you drunk or somethin'?" Spinner asked.

"How exactly is giving him head a way to make pizza?" Zoom taunted.

Vert had had enough. He hissed and faced the team. "EVERYONE SHUT UP!" He ordered, they all did in a matter of a second or two. "IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY TO TEZZ'S FACE, THEN DON'T SAY IT IN HERE WHERE HE CAN'T DEFFEND HIMSELF, YOU DOWN-TALKING SONS OF BITCHES!" He turned to finish his shower and walked out, still pissed. "Oh, by the way, Zekes, your vehicles, the game room, and Tezz's room and mine, ARE ALL OFF LIMITS. You'll get what you deserve! You wanna put down someone else so badly, FINE! PUT EACH OTHER DOWN AND SEE HOW THE FUCK YOU LIKE IT! And if I EVER see anyone talking about me or Tezz behind our backs, you get 'relieved of duty' for a while! How about that? You still wanna make fun of someone just because they're gay now?" With that, he stormed down the hallway, "I DIDN'T THINK SO!" and slammed the door for all of them to hear.

Zoom quivered at the loud clatter and continued washing his hair in silence. No one had ever heard Vert swear like that before. Sure there was the occasional 'damn', but he only cussed like THAT when he was extremely aggravated. A.J. was still emotionlessly washing out his hair, his forehead leaning up on the wall.

* * *

Agura was just getting out of the gym when she saw Vert walking away, frustration deep within his eyes. "Vert, what happened?"

The blond turned and let out a deep breath, trying not to take anything out on her. "The guys are jokin', talkin' 'bout Tezz and since we had sex yesterday, he now has some sort of power or authority that they think isn't fair. They're just stupid cocky know-it-all's that don't know what the hell they're talking about!" Agura placed a hand on his shoulder and embraced him slowly. "Vert, it's okay. Just know that I'm here for you and whatever decision you make. I don't have the right to judge."

He smiled slowly. "And that's why I like you." He parted from her and went back upstairs to see how Tezz was doing.

As he walked down the hallway, he could hear someone sobbing loudly. Everyone was in the shower, and Agura was now on her way to her room behind him. Sage wouldn't go in their rooms, so…

He opened his bedroom door and found Tezz curled up in his bed, the person behind the tears. Vert ran to him and gently pulled his teammate into a kiss. "Tezz what happened?"

The Russian looked at Agura, and wanted her to leave, but Vert still got him to keep his eyes locked on his. "Tell me what's wrong."

Tezz sniffed and caught his shaky breath before replying. "Z-Zoom, a-a-and S-…S-Sta-Stanfo-fo-ford…!"

Agura joined Vert and warmly put a hand to his leg. "It's okay… you can tell us… what did Stanford and Zoom do?" She didn't really go crazy over Vert and Tezz becoming a couple, but she just had to deal with it and help them out whenever she could.

"The-they were… wa-walking-walking by… a-nd… they were sa-s-s-say-saying how, you just… u-used me-me!" Vert arched an eyebrow. He knew how Tezz wasn't the one to cry **(A/N: Even though I make him cry like, in EVERY FIC. XP)** and that if he did, it was a rare occasion. But he also knew how needy he was and how he needed the comfort of someone other than Sage. The slightest thing could send him off into either a crying fest, or a hissy fit. Tezz was going through a lot of emotional stuff here and back home, and he felt like he wasn't important, and that everybody hated him, and how he considered suicide once, and how he was taken to the hospital because of all the cutting wounds he inflicted upon himself, and just everything was a mess. He only hoped Tezz wouldn't do something as drastic as build a machine and slowly kill himself while loathing in the fumes.

Vert kissed his lover's cheek and said he would explain the deal to Agura later. "Tezz, don't listen to them. I went in the shower and they started talking about us again too. Mostly about you. I know how emotionally charged you are at the moment and I actually punished them! And I swore like a sailor too! I wasn't kidding around!" The comment made Tezz smile a little and even giggle.

"But the point is, there's gunna be some crap you have to go through in your life, and right now I'm going with you. So whenever you need me for ANYTHING, I'll be here for you. And something tells me I'll have to talk to those two later, but until then, I love you Tezzy." He kissed the Russian again in full awareness of Agura watching. He separated a moment later and saw Tezz smile.

"Aww! I see you smilin'!" He smirked himself.

His teammate got up and cleaned himself up in the bathroom as Agura turned to Vert. "Wow. Just… just, wow." She playfully hit his chest. "You are so cute when you make Tezz smile! You two are a great couple." She admitted and hugged him again before they all went downstairs and into the kitchen.

Vert chuckled. "At this point, they should be scared of Tezz. I know how Russians get. Just wait until someone makes a remark about Tezz being Russian and being gay, and then he'll SNAP."

The rest of the team entered the kitchen on cue, quiet. They looked to Tezz and waved shyly. Tezz waved back with confusion and put a bagel in the toaster. "Tezz," Zoom started. They all witnessed the possible chaos that was about to take place. "I'm really sorry about how I reacted to you and Vert yesterday. A.J.'s still upset too, but we're all sorry." They all murmured in agreement.

The Russian flashed a small smile before gazing back down.

Stanford started humming 'Russia's Gay' by Rucka Rucka Ali making the cruel ones of the team snicker. What they didn't know was that Tezz was a fan of his work and parodies as well. He recognized the tune and grabbed a cutting knife from the drawer. "EXCUSE ME?"

Vert turned on his heels and started walking away… but before he did…

He ran back and took the knife from his boyfriend's hands, replacing it with a smooth and sexy kiss. They all witnessed Tezz backed up to the counter and Vert having his backside squeezed.

"Ohugahhh!" A.J. cringed and left, a little happier than before. He was snickering!

They broke the kiss while Vert burrowed in Tezz's chest. "I love you Tezzy…"

"I love you too blondie."


End file.
